have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
