Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
