so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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