another moral hangover. fuck.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
