she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
