I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
