I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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