I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
