Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
