Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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