I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
