Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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