my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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