I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
