Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
