if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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