Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
