you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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