I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
