I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
