I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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