I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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