I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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