11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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