I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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