Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can't turn off my feet"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
