Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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