We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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