I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
