she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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