She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
