Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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