kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
