I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
