I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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