So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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