I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
