those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
