Umm I'm too high to move.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
