Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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