i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
