Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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