We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
