The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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