roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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