the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
