Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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