All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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