Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
