if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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