so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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